Global cryptocurrency hacks in the first half of 2026 totaled $1.3 billion (44 billion baht) across 344 networks, down 46.8% year-over-year per Certik's Hack3D report. July 2026 alone saw $210 million in losses, including a $70 million Coldcard Wallet breach. The article challenges the crypto mantra "not your keys, not your coins" by showing that even self-custody of private keys offers no guarantee against theft and financial loss.